Effective Communication: Lesson Objectives
After this section, participants should be able to meet the following objectives:
Describe effective communication
Describe the principles of nonviolent communication
Understand skills for effective communication and why this is important for peace education
Guiding questions
How well do you listen to your students?
How do you know that you are listening well?
Did you listen to the news this morning? What were the top news stories?
After listening to the news in the morning, most people generally cannot remember more than one or two news items. This is because people are listening passively and not effectively. Too often when we are teaching, the children ‘listen’ the same way.
Communication is a two-way process between the speaker and listeners. As such, effective communication encompasses both speaking and listening.
Conflict often results over miscommunication. This is particularly common in cross-cultural settings, as communication varies greatly from culture to culture. As peace educators and peacemakers, it is absolutely critical to communicate effectively, and to understand the dynamics of communication so as to promote the skills for peaceful communication in our students.
As a teacher you have a general responsibility to help the learners to really learn and
understand what you are teaching. As a peace education teacher you have a further
responsibility to demonstrate the skills and values associated with constructive and peaceful
living.
Listening
To listen well is the first skill that you, a teacher, should have, as this is how you come to really understand the learners in your care. Many teachers assume that the skill of listening should be a skill for the learner, not the teacher. But if this is true, how does the teacher know when the children understand? If learning is reduced to memorization, then the learner only has to remember, but we all know that the remembering doesn’t last.
But listening to the teacher is only one side; the teacher must also listen to the learners. By listening to them, the teacher knows what is understood and what problems the learners are having, and can them help them to learn more effectively. Failing to listen effectively and with empathy to people on the ‘other side’ of a conflict often leads to violent conflict, so this skill is needed as a tool of peace.
Did you ever play the game “Telephone” as a child? In this game, one person thinks of a phrase or story, and whispers it to the first person in the line. That person listens, then repeats to the next person in line, and so on until everyone has heard the story. Finally the person at the end of the line repeats the story to the group. Usually, the story has changes dramatically by the time it reaches the other end (this activity can also be done as a race in teams, if you have a large number of participants). This game often demonstrates how we communicate – both listen and speak – ineffectively.
Activity: Active listening with a partner
Pair off the participants so that they are with people they do not know.
Call them A and B. Give the ‘As’ five minutes to tell a story (perhaps about their childhood or something that has happened in their life) and then another five minutes for the ‘Bs’ to tell a story. They must not take notes but they can ask questions. Ask some of the ‘As’ to tell the stories told by their partners back
to the large group. Ask the partners if the stories are accurate. Do the same thing with the ‘Bs’ and ask if the stories are accurate.
One-way vs. Two-way communication
Many of the attributes associated with peace education are elements of communication.
Open communication – where people are honest, where they listen and where they try to
understand the other person’s point of view – is one of the cornerstones to peace.
This sort of communication can only happen when both sides involved in communicating
are willing to try.
Many conflicts have arisen because of one-way communication. This is unfortunate when
we consider that much of the communication in schools is one way, from the teacher to the
student. We need to look at the effectiveness of one-way communication and see if perhaps
we can improve the situation.
One-way/two-way communication activity: Ask for four volunteers.
Send two out of the room and show the picture of geometric shapes (for example, a rectangle with a circle inside) to the other two. Remind them not to show their picture to anybody. Ask for one of them to wait for the second part of the exercise. Invite one of the other volunteers back inside.
Explain that they are going to draw what the other person tells them. They cannot ask any
questions (this is ‘one-way communication’). The ‘instructor’ (the participant with the drawing) stands behind the flipchart (or with his/her back to the board). The ‘instructor’ describes the picture to the
participant at the flip chart (the ‘artist’). The ‘artist’ draws the picture based on the instructions given. If you are using a flip chart, turn to a new page. If you are using a board, ensure that you can reproduce the drawing and then clean the board. Ask the second ‘instructor’ to come forward and bring in the second volunteer from outside. This time the instructor can watch what the artist is doing and make comments
on it, and the artist should ask questions (two way communication). When the drawing is completed, compare the two drawings (redraw the fist drawing if necessary). Ask the volunteers how they felt when they were either instructing or drawing. Show the participants the original drawing. Ask the group which drawing is the most accurate. Discuss why this is so.
Then discuss the following questions:
What are the advantages of one-way communication?
What are the disadvantages?
What are the advantages of two-way communication?
What are the disadvantages?
What responsibilities do we have if we are going to use one-way communication?
Why do we use one-way communication when two-way communication is proven to be more
effective?
Two-way communication is also necessary for peaceful interaction between people. People
have a responsibility to listen carefully, to communicate clearly, and to clarify points and
summarize information so that the communication is clear and precise.
Speaking
As peace educators, it is very important that we practice what we preach, and this includes the words we speak. We need to be aware of the language we use and the manner in which we speak, so that not only are we effective communicators, but that we also convey the principles of equality, dignity, multicultural solidarity, and nonviolence through our speech.
We should be aware of violent language that we use, such as idioms from our language that have violent messages within. Often times these are metaphors, idioms, or hyperboles, but even if the meaning is changed, it is important for us to examine our languages and look for the violence embedded within. For example, “I wanted to kill my friend when she did that!” This expression in English is a hyperbole used to convey shame and embarrassment. The speaker does not literally want to kill their mother. However, notice that the language is violent, and there are other ways to express this that do not conjure violent images.
Swearing is another way that language can be overly harsh. It is unlikely that as a school teacher you ever swear in your classroom, as most likely this is against school rules, and you are trying to set an example for your students to not swear either. However, perhaps outside of school you swear, or swear under your breath. Just notice this, and see in your personal life if you can minimize the amount of strong language you use.
Blame is a common source of conflict, and can be an unpeaceful way to communicate.
We should also be careful to use gender-neutral language in speech in the classroom. The point is to be inclusive in a diverse setting. Please see the section on Gender for more on gender-neutral language.
Nonviolent communication
Nonviolent communication (NVC) is a system of communication based on the principles of nonviolence and compassion. Nonviolent communication is particularly useful when solving conflicts, and can be a great method to teach your students for peer mediation.
The NVC process involves four components:
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Observations
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The concrete actions that affect our well-being that we observe without judgement
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When you….
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Feelings
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How we feel in relation to what we observe
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….I feel….
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Needs
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The needs, values, desires, etc. that create our feelings
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…because my need for ___ is not being met….
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Requests
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The concrete actions we request in order to enrich our lives
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Would you be willing to….?
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(Rosenberg, 2003).
NVC requires both expressing honestly and receiving empathically through the four components. It also requires the speaker to take ownership of his/her feelings. For example, “You make me angry!” is a broad generalization, and no one can make anyone feel anything. By saying “When you hit
References
Rosenberg, M. (2003). Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. Encinitas, CA: Puddledancer.
Additional Resources
The Center for Nonviolent Communication: http://www.cnvc.org/
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